Our Fresh Air Fund Experience

Monday

Our Fresh Air Fund friend has arrived. It looks to be a very fun week. M is extremely outgoing and absolutely charming. Once in our van he gave the boys a BIG hug.


Tuesday and Wednesday

A couple of weeks before M arrived, we sent him a letter with about a dozen photos of us doing things around the house. This way he could get an idea of the kinds of things we like to do. He seems to have chosen a few favorites that he wants to participate in.

We have a daybed in the family room downstairs, and it has a pull out bed in a drawer underneath it. The boys wanted to take turns sleeping downstairs with M and Monday E did. Those two boys did not go to sleep until 10:30 pm and then E woke up at 6:30 and woke M up at 6:45. Ugh.

So Tuesday started out with M out on the street playing basketball at 7 am. I had to send B out to tell him it was too early to be creating that kind of echo throughout the cul-de-sac. When he came in all the boys played with playdough for a while. But then at one point M said something to E to make him cry, and that's when I knew we needed to be out.

So at 10:30 am. we headed to Cheshire Park. I thought a walk through the woods would be new and fun for a little boy from Harlem. I had the boys bring their bathing suits since there is a stream they could wade in, and they all had a wonderful time. It was quite touching to witness M holding his first toad.

I don't know if it's because there are so many things he wants to experience, or if it's a personality thing, but nothing seems to hold M's attention too long. Forty-five minutes is the most we get out of anything. So we headed home.

The boys all changed and we headed out for a few errands. We stopped at McDonald's first, since M is not the greatest eater, and I wanted to get some food into him. I chose one with a playscape, correctly guessing that not many McDonald's in Manhattan have them. He loved it. And ate like a horse!

We went to the dollar store next, to pick up some bottled water. M doesn't get to do much shopping and was in awe of a store in which everything is one dollar. His dad had sent him with some money, so he bought him and his mom a gift there, and himself a cops-and-robber gun set, and a box of Nerds. He was absolutely thrilled to give the girl $10 and get change back.

A few more errands ended with Stop and Shop where I bought some things he said he likes. The boys were happy to find they had a couple of boxes of Morning Glories (fancy sparklers) left, so they bought them and lit them up as soon as we got home. All the boys had a great time with the three I did with each of them; what kid doesn't love playing with fire?

The boys also spent sporadic times throughout the day playing basketball, and computer games. M arrived with some sort of portable playstation thingy that I had to put away after I found R hiding in the garage with it, but he was very happy to learn that there were alternatives.

I also want to note that he was fine about putting away his game. When I told him there were more fun things to do around here than play games on a little screen, he completely agreed.

Tuesday night R slept with M downstairs, and at 9:15 I called down to them to stop talking. I told them that if they didn't stop that I would send R up into his own room. M stopped talking then and they were both asleep within 10 minutes.

When E came downstairs this morning his hair was all matted to his head like he was massively sweating. But when he sat on my lap and I ran my fingers through it, I learned that M had groomed him last night by putting baby oil in it. Ack! Even after a bath, it looked like his hair was filthy, all day.

Today, Wednesday, started early too. We left the house at 9:45 to go to the Oakdale Theater in Wallingford to watch a live performance of Snow White. I think this may be our last year for those shows; we have just about outgrown them. Nevertheless, the boys all enjoyed it, all the more because some friends met us there and sat beside us (other friends were only two rows away!).

After the show we ate our lunch out of our cooler in the parking lot, then headed down to the playground for playgroup. Playgroup met early today, so we got there for the tail end. Luckily the friends who joined us at the show, also joined us for our full stay at the park. This photo shows the kids who were there earlier.

The boys all used their own money to buy ice-cream from the ice-cream man, and had fun having water fights with water bottles and the water fountain. I had to stop them though so they would dry off for our next activity....

Golf lessons. Luckily the folks there let M participate for the day. Woo hoo! He really enjoyed himself. And I was happy to sneak out to BJ's to fill up with gas while they were occupied; to wait till they were done at 5:20 would have meant a huge line. A definite highlight of golf today was when a gentleman there pointed out a deer prancing along the course to M. M was breathless and worried about it getting hit by a car. We assured him that there was no risk of that out on the golf course, and he was relieved. And enamored.

Once home I cut up a cantaloupe, which M loves, and sent them out to play basketball (which he also loves) while I made dinner. Then we rushed through our barbecued chicken legs and corn so we could head over to a friend's pool.

O is a friend from R's soccer team. He lives close enough so that R occasionally rides his bike over to his house, sometimes to ride in their cul-de-sac, and sometimes to swim in their pool. O's mom knew we have a visitor this week and was nice enough to invite him and E to swim too. I went along to lifeguard, since the Fresh Air Fund makes a huge deal about kids boasting about non-existent swimming abilities. Seems that M really does know how to swim though.

We only stayed a short while since it was really late. And O's mom was nice enough to invite us all back this weekend. We'll see how things work out. On our way out, O asked his mom if M could go to his birthday party tomorrow. I thanked him but told him that M and E had other plans (O's mom obviously wanted to say "no" but it was an awkward situation).

The day ended with more bathing. This time I washed E's hair and hopefully tomorrow it will look ok. We are having a terrific time with M. After a little "testing" to see what he could get away with, he is learning my boundaries and is settling right in. He's a charming little boy and we are really enjoying his stay.


Thursday and Friday

Thursday is library day, and having lived in New York for 30 years before moving here to CT, I can tell you that the NY libraries can't compare. M came home with a couple of CD's, which since they didn't have explicit lyric labels on them, I told him I'd copy for him to take home.

We stopped at the toy store to get a birthday gift for R's friend O, and discovered just how little experience M has shopping. The boys were getting frustrated at having to keep saying "you can't just leave that there, put it back", or "now pick that up".

We came home and spent some time around the house. The woman who interviewed us for hosting kept emphasizing that we needn't take him a million places, that "your home is the destination", and I took that to heart.

E rode his bike around the cul-de-sac while M shot him with the dozen or so foam discs in E's disc shooter. E got really upset when M refused to pick them all up off the street and he had to do it himself.

R and M played basketball for a while.

I suggested the boys play on the Slip-n-Slide in the backyard. E came running inside in tears since one of the two not usable and he had spent his own money on them. It only got worse when R ripped the other one while attaching the hose to it. He managed to fix it all up with duct tape though. However, while E recovered and ran to put his bathing suit on, M stepped on the darn thing and fell. So by the time E got outside, M was done.

Unfortunately my boys were getting really frustrated with M by this point. R said he was really tired of taking time to set things up for M to play with and having him use them for like five minutes before just walking away and leaving him with the mess (i.e. Legos a couple of days earlier, playdough, and now the slip-n-slide). So I suggested we all sit down and do some spin art together, since M is crafty. Although M did try the spin art, we didn't have much paint left, so they all did some drawing instead.

I got a call from O's mother. Seems that two boys couldn't make it to O's birthday party, and since their spots were already paid for, did I want to bring M and E? R was in tears when I told him. He needed some big boy time with his friends, so I said thanks anyway.

Soon it was time to drop off R at the party at LaserPlanet (life will never be the same). So M and E and I met B at Friendly's for dinner. We had a pleasant meal and enjoyed playing some Hangman together. Unfortunately for him though, M doesn't like ice-cream.

Thursday had been a tough day. My boys were feeling like their belongings and feelings weren't being respected, and M was getting frustrated to not be the center of attention and make all the decisions all the time.

Friday was a fresh start though, and I realized that "home is the destination" is a load of crap in M's case. In three days he had spent all of five minutes in our backyard. All he wanted to do was hit the pavement to play basketball. So we needed to go do things.

We started at the new Kids in Motion playground. It's huge and my boys love it.

However, M was not interested in playing with my boys. Instead he gravitated to the young men who were the camp counselors for the campers there that day. He followed them all around and even got one of them to push him on a swing before they left with their campers. I'm glad they were kind to him.

My boys were getting increasingly frustrated with M though, and when R had my ear he told me that he definitely wants to do this again next year, but with a different kid. At this point I told him that he could stop being such an overly gracious host, that he and E should just go ahead and do what they wanted and if M wanted to join in, he could. But not to worry about keeping him entertained.

When we left the park we headed down to Hamden to get our milk. We stopped at 7-11 on the way back and got some slurpees, (they even have Crystal Light ones now - woo hoo!) which M actually liked.

Then we headed to the beach at Mixville Pond.

M played in the water for the now predictable five minutes and then insisted they all get out. This time around R and E continued with their fun though. M entertained himself on the beach for a while before seriously yelling at them to come out of the water because he wanted to leave. I explained to him that R and E were still having fun and he couldn't expect everyone to do what he wanted all the time, that he had to think of other people's feelings too. Eventually they did come out and they all played together in the sand for a while before we headed home.

When we got home the neighborhood kids were out so E hopped on his bike and rode off to join them. R apparently hid in the van listening to his audiobook. E came in a few minutes later to tell me that M was riding a bike without a helmet on. So I called him inside to speak to him about it, and on his way past E he really started telling him off. My very stern "M get in here now" pushed him over the edge and I waited several minutes before calling him out of the garage. When he came in I said "M it seems like you're having a tough day, would you like to call your mom?" I let him call from the basement so he could close the door and have some privacy, but I couldn't help hearing him sobbing. Poor thing.

He stayed in the basement to gather himself for a while. O's mom called me a little while later to invite R over into their pool. M made quite a racket picking up the extension downstairs to listen in. He probably thought it was his mom calling to fill me in, and loudly hung up when he realized it wasn't. I didn't have the energy to address it in a patient manner, so I let it slide.

B got home just in the nick of time. E continued on his bike, R escaped over to O's house, and B gave M the adult male full attention he normally gets so much of at home with his dad. E eventually made his way in to check on ownership of his own dad.

I was so grateful it was Friday and B could give me some time to hide out myself. I married a great guy.

I spoke to M's dad that evening. He himself participated in the Fresh Air Fund program when he was younger, and told me of his own experience of calling home to cry. We had a great chat that made me feel a lot better.


Saturday and Sunday

We had a hard time choosing between Old Sturbridge Village and The Renaissance Festival. We had never been to this particular Festival before and we really wanted to check it out. But B is not a fan of the festivals and preferred OSV. M had heard of neither so left it up to us.

We had a hard time deciding which one M would enjoy more. We decided on the Festival. And it was the right choice. M had a great time. He had never experienced anything like it before, and spent the afternoon following the "princess" around, even after we got a photo with her. He also enjoyed being one of the chess pieces in a giant chess game. I don't know whether it was that we finally found something that he was into, or that he finally had the full attention of an adult male, but M was a different person that day.

We all had a wonderful time at the Festival. The boys and I really love them, and B even admitted it was "pretty good".

Afterwards we took M to Hometown Buffet. I figured there must be something there he would eat. And again, I was right. He even found some vegetables he was willing to have. Yay!

On Sunday B took the boys to the town pool. They got their hands stamped and came home for lunch before heading back. I joined them to snap a few photos, but spent most of my afternoon looking for a souvenir shirt for M to bring home. I finally found a great UCONN basketball shirt that said "Connecticut" across the front. I also stopped into the toy store and got him a Drop Pop, which he had been playing with a few days before. He was very happy with my selections, and finding them without an entourage was so much easier!

Monday morning we took M to the bus stop to be picked up. He met up with a boy he had ridden with on the way here and ran on to the bus with him without saying goodbye. We waited for the bus to drive away before leaving anyway.

M is a very sweet boy. We wondered why he selected our family though, since he didn't seem very interested in anything we had to offer. He has called us a couple of times since his visit, so perhaps he is just "spirited" and doesn't convey his enjoyment of things until they are over. But my boys are looking forward to hosting someone who enjoys doing the things they do and has a longer attention span. Someone who prefers playing with children to grown-ups.

In the meantime, my boys have formed a new respect for each other. They appreciate that they understand and respect the other's boundaries. They have been getting along so well lately.