The week before B's surgery

Hate to title it that way, but that's how it will forever stick in my mind. Fine though, because it was a good one. A really good one.

Monday started at the Coco Key Water Resort; a small water park in a hotel right next door in Waterbury. A homeschooler set up the trip, which I was so happy about, since it is right next door and the boys had been asking to go. We saved a lot of money by going with a group, and the boys had a blast. Turns out some good friends of theirs went too and they got to play for four hours with them.

My mom arrived shortly after we got home. She was on her annual trek home to Maine from Florida, and spent the night. We always love having her visit. And the boys were so happy when she offered to take them to Friendly's while I bowled on Tuesday morning.

Wednesday started out on an awesome note when one of the women from my women's circle showed up as I was making breakfast, to hand deliver a gorgeous arrangement from Edible Arrangements which my "sisters" had chipped in for. I had only seen ads for these things and wondered how they are, and now I can definitively say that they are awesome. It was absolutely beautiful and the fruit was such high quality and tasted wonderful. (By the way, all those empty sticks once had grapes on them.) And even better than the wonderful fruit is knowing that my sisters are thinking about us and sending us warm wishes. What an amazing way to start out my day.

After Green Street classes we headed to playgroup, as usual. It's so nice that the weather is getting better and we can all spend time outside. I'm so glad R is enjoying himself there again. Last session at Green Street he didn't care about having to miss playgroup, but now he's glad to be back. Me too. I don't talk to anyone at any of the activities I take them to, and I'm finding that I need to spend some time talking to other homeschooling moms once in a while. I need to reminded that I'm not living in a vacuum, I guess.

It was a hard afternoon for me though, as one of the women there let slip about B's surgery to a large group of people. I had told only 3 people at playgroup (the women I actually consider friends) and asked them not to tell anyone else. I wanted to keep playgroup a place of normalcy, but that was not to happen. So now I have people coming up to me asking "Is B okay?" and "How are you, C?". These people are not my friends and I'm not going to suddenly share my life with them because they feel bad for me. I'm really quite annoyed. I really needed playgroup to be a place to go and talk about homeschooling and kids and the weather. I really needed a place to be distracted from our challenges. *sigh*

After a teary-eyed drive home, I was able to put it aside however, to enjoy the rest of our evening. After B got home, and we had eaten our crockpot pot roast sandwiches, we headed out to Roller Magic in Waterbury. E has been wanting to go roller skating ever since Q's birthday in November and we were finally able to get to it.

Wednesdays are so much cheaper than every other night, so the place was crowded. Since everything was cheap I gave it a go. I used to be a great skater about 30 years ago, but this time I never made it off the carpet onto the skating area. If it hadn't been so crowded I could've practiced more on the carpet with friction, and eventually moved out to the skating area, but no such luck. I haven't given up hope though; I will try again. In the meantime I promised E that I would get him there more often. He loves skating and feels we need to go more often so he doesn't have to re-learn it every time. He actually asked for skates for Christmas but didn't get them. Perhaps for his birthday.

Thursday found us heading into New York for B's pre-op appointments. We parked in Bridgeport and took Metro North down to Grand Central. Mercifully, since we had the boys with us, the appointments were held on schedule and did not take as long as we expected. We enjoyed some pizza in an inside plaza where a pianist performed while we ate. Then we headed over to visit Uncle E in his hospital.

The boys were very nervous about seeing him for the first time after his stroke, especially E. We had forewarned them that Uncle E might not know who they are, and this really freaked him out. He was so concerned about what to talk about while we were there. When we got there though Uncle E was still in physical therapy, and wouldn't be back for 1.5 hours. So we cut out to play in a nearby park.

The NYC kids were getting out of school when we arrived. There was a nine year-old who joined us in a game of tag. An unaccompanied nine year-old in the playground in NYC. His mother was in the library across the street. Different world.

Even R was impressed with the difference. He stood on top of the playground, looked at this view of all the kids playing basketball after school, and commented that even though he wanted to live in Manhattan when he gets older, he's going to move out when it comes time to have kids. I'm so glad he appreciates being raised where he is. And I'm so glad that I have had an opportunity to live outside of NY. Although B and I have talked about retiring there.

On the way back to Uncle E's hospital E found, and both he and R agonized over, a dollar under the grating on the ground. They both insisted that if it had been a 10 or 20 that they would have stayed till they figured how to get it out, but without trees and fallen sticks, it would have been a big ordeal.

Seeing Uncle E was awesome. He not only recognized the boys but lit up when he saw them, motioning them over for hugs. It was so great to see him sitting in bed with his legs over the side. It was so great to be able to hug him good and hard!

Uncle E's therapists are very impressed with the progress he is making in his physical therapy. He can go to the bathroom alone now. And he follows conversations much longer now. Boy, it was good to see him so much further along than last time we saw him. It was a very heartwarming and joyous visit. Both of my boys were so glad to see him and left knowing that Uncle E is still Uncle E and is trying his best to fight his way back to us. And they felt great in seeing him so happy to see them. It was a good visit on many levels.

Uncle E has an awesome view from his room. We don't know how he got so lucky, since his last room also had a great view. Maybe it's special treatment for NYC firefighters?

All in all we had a great day. After our commute down to NY I've decided I'm going to come home every night after spending the days with B in the hospital next week. Going "home" to my mother-in-law in Queens every night is not going to replenish my soul the way coming home to Connecticut will. It will mean less time with B during the days, but I've got more than just his needs to meet. Poor E is already showing signs of stress, and that 81 minutes on the train each way will be good alone-time for me. Good time to escape into some fiction, which I have already borrowed from the library.

Friday we had an easy going morning. We had Chinese food for lunch with Nagy Papa and the boys headed home with him while I continued on to bowling. Since another of my three team mates will be out this Tuesday, I didn't want the last one to be bowling alone, so I pre-bowled. I went in and bowled alone and those scores will count towards our scores next week. I probably should have skipped it though since I bowled under my average the first two games. Hopefully my 191 in the third game will win at least one game for them. Hopefully we won't get bumped out of first place.

Afternoon found B and E with the sniffles. I'm so glad that E still responds so well to water. He is learning that baths are a great way for him to handle stress and that somehow life always seems more manageable after one. He is having such a hard time these days as R gets older and is given more freedom that he doesn't share. This evening found him upset that R had gone to the YMCA with is "tween" friends again this week, and he was stuck home. And that I wouldn't do anything special for him since R was getting something special. Look at that face though. That's a relaxed boy.

Today (Saturday) B is in bed and will hopefully bang out his cold in 24 hours the way he always does so we don't need to postpone his surgery. I sincerely hope that E gets over his quickly too, so he can go and visit B in the hospital as planned.

We were scheduled to go see a robotics competition today and I'm disappointed that R decided he didn't want to go since I thought it would be cool. On the other hand it's nice to have a slow non-shower, sweatpants day at home with everyone doing his own thing. E is playing outside, B is sleeping, I'm blogging, and R has ridden his bike to pick up the copy of Twilight that he had placed on hold at the library. I told him he can see the movie if he reads the book. His friends are all about it right now. We'll see if peer pressure works in getting him to read. Taking away audio books for a year doesn't seem to have made a difference, and I'm frankly starting to get nervous.

Wow, he just came in exclaiming what a FAT book it is. If that boy reads that whole book I will dead away pass out. Or wet my pants.

Through the weekend

This week E learned how to make egg salad. He always liked using the egg slicer, but can now also peel the eggs, mash them, and mix it all up. Yum!

We've been worrying about one of the squirrels we feed. He broke his right leg and his left eye is all cloudy. (Remember, you can click the photos to see them larger.) He seems to be getting a little more energetic every day, but it probably won't last too much longer. E and I had some interesting conversations while we watched him as another squirrel jumped on his back. First we thought it was attacking. Then we thought it was trying to mate. But we decided that it must be some sort of other relationship. Either mom/child or mate. The other squirrel seemed to be pushing him along. E named him Survivor. We also had a conversation about euthanasia, but that did not sit at all well with E. This week we'll be getting a book about squirrels at the library. We know surprisingly little about them other than what we've observed, and are looking forward to finding out what kind of social circles they run in.

Friday evening from 7pm till 9:30pm R went to this thing called Twylight Zone, which is an event for tweens at the YMCA. They open the pool and gym and game room to tweens. It's free for members and was only 6 bucks for guests. With all of R's friends there were a total of seven of them, and they had a great time. He refused to bring his camera and take pictures for me. He is wanting to be his own person now and have time with friends that he doesn't have to share with me. *sigh*

E had me take a photo of the biggest pot he ever won (R is so damn good at poker, although E is lucky as hell at everything else). Poor thing smashed his finger while he was running to tell me to take his picture. He held it together long enough for the photo and then needed some ice and a Spongebob bandaid.

Saturday we went down to to New York to celebrate B's nephews' birthdays. Aunt R decided to do the boys together since Uncle E normally handles all the Joe Housewife stuff and he is in the hospital rehabilitating. It was so strange to be in his house with him not there. It was mighty good to be in New York for something happy though.

The boys had a great time playing with the Playstation upstairs and the Wii downstairs. They always have a great time there, but we always end up having to have the no gaming systems conversation on the way home. Yes, I'm already regretting the Nintendo DS we bought R for Christmas. Argh.

I was so happy to get a great shot of all the B kids together. And Uncle M stood behind me to get them to all smile. Well done, Uncle M!

This morning (Sunday) I walked on my treadmill for 20 minutes and rode my Lifecylce for 10 minutes. Standing ovation please.

Today E was invited to a neighborhood friend's birthday party at a gymnastics center. He wasn't thrilled with the circuit aspect of the party, preferring the free time they had to play on whatever they wanted. He loves having playmates in our cul-de-sac. He loves being the oldest. He is eight and the next after him is six. And it goes down to two and a half. See him towering above the other kids (along with older cousins who had also been invited), I love that all the neighborhood parents love him. They tell me he is "pleasant" and "kind". I'm so glad that he has the opportunity to be with younger kids and nurture that side of him.

R invited some friends over for the afternoon. They played basketball and who knows what else while E and I were at the birthday party. E was so pleased that they included him when he returned and wanted to play with them. What a great group of kids. All of them have little brothers and are understanding.

I loved watching them walk out of the woods with all their wooden rifles, Nerf guns, and blow horns. They must've had a fun day. I'm so thrilled that R is starting to take care of his own social life and that I really can stop worrying about that aspect of his life.

The last few Sundays have been tough for B. He realizes that he needs to continue to do the things he can while he can. At first he was so immobilized, but he is learning to live day by day and appreciate the moment. Today he cleaned the gutters. There's no way he will be able to do them in April when he usually does, and he refuses to pay someone else. So he is carrying on.

But by about 3:00 he starts looking like he's ready to cry. He showers and puts on his pajamas and climbs into bed to watch something on TV to get lost in. He is counting down his weekends, and now he has only one left until his life is changed so drastically for several months.

Nine days until his surgery.

A busy Wednesday

We started out at our co-op classes at Green Street today. R is taking an Electronics class and E is taking Music Appreciation. From there we stopped at McDonald's for lunch, since I can never seem to get myself together early enough in the morning to make lunch at home. From McDonald's we went down to New Haven to playgroup. The boys are happy I signed them up only for early classes at Green Street so we can return to playgroup in the afternoons. It was a beautiful day and they had a great time. I am thrilled that the group seems to have grown during our absence; there were six "tweens" there today!

I was happy that of the nine bags of books in my trunk, playgroup friends took six bags worth. Man, we have a lot of books. Breaks my heart to get rid of many of them, but now that I know about our visual processing disorders, and the kind of books my boys like to read and are frankly, comfortable looking at, there's no sense in keeping the rest. I also parted with some of the old picture books that we had outgrown. I was so glad to have them go to friends. The balance went to New Haven Reads (book bank) after playgroup.

From there we went to Target for birthday gifts for this weekend, Thyme and Season to pick up our raw milk, and Everybody's for Italian bread for our chicken sandwiches.

Wednesdays are only going to get worse when golf lessons start next month.

St. Patrick's Day

This morning found me up at 7am. That in itself is noteworthy. I got up to put the corned beef into the crockpot. Corned beef. Ew. B loves the stuff, but I think it's gross. This is the first year I made it. He was so happy to see me preparing it that he went to the store and brought me home a green carnation before going to work. I didn't wear it though because I didn't want it to get crushed.

Since I was up anyway I made the boys green eggs and they had that along with the Irish soda bread B had made over the weekend.

Then we got dressed and headed to bowling. I'm thrilled to be bowling again. I joined a league in September. We bowl every Tuesday morning. It's probably 1/2 retirees and the rest are closer to my age. No one younger though.

I bowled with my mom and aunts when I lived in New York way back when. I was pretty good then, and am extremely happy that time and fat haven't seemed to make a difference now. My average is the second highest on the league, at 153, and my team is in first place. Today I bowled a 156, 214 (!) and a 142. This is my second week in a row bowling over 200. Woo hoo!

The boys come to bowling too. For years I've sat on the sidelines or in the car when it's cold, and driven them to all manner of sports and classes. This year I decided they could sit for my sport. They hand out on benches on the other side of the place and read/play with R's DS/play with action figures/do workbooks stuff to earn TV time, and basically keep themselves busy without too much complaint. R is taking a baby sitting class next month, and I told him they could stay home after he's done, but for now they have to go and suffer through my bowling. Although sometimes they do ask my dad to comb by and watch them so they don't have to go.

After bowling we came home and the boys went outside to make themselves a fire. That's something they are so into these days that I've stopped taking pictures. Although I don't think I've posted one here. OK, here's an old one.

While they did that I spent a really good portion of the day looking through tons of books in the basement and filling 9 plastic grocery bags with disposables. I still have a lot to go, but they really did fill up my trunk.

When B got home we had our corned beef (ew). The boys liked it well enough, but next year if I make it again I'll be making something else for myself.

We ended the day by going to the movies. The theater in Wallingford sells all tickets for $5 on Tuesdays and B has been hating that he misses them all the time. So we agreed that we'd go at night so he can join us. We saw Race to Witch Mountain. We knew it would be coming out so a couple of weeks ago we watched the original (borrowed from the library) to enjoy before the super effects ruined the the enjoyment. Good decision, that.



The boys enjoyed both versions, but of course, like the new one better (duh). I liked the old one better (duh). The new one was fun, but lots of explosions and a little more over the top than necessary. I guess it's what kids expect these days. My favorite part was when the two original kids showed up as adult characters on this one. I'm so glad I saw Kim Richards' name at the start of the film, so I knew to look for her. The boys liked that too. And B was so glad he got to join us. It did mean getting into bed close to 10 though.

St. Patrick's Day Parade

We had a difficult night last night. R threw up in his bed at 11pm. E made it to the bathroom around 2, and then they were both up at least three more times each until they got up a little after 7. Luckily they all let me continue to sleep till 10, or I would've been dead. All three of my men are blaming it on lunch at Nardelli's, but it just doesn't compute for me. Nevertheless, they are all extremely wary of returning.

Today we managed to drag the boys out into the beautiful day to watch the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New Haven. We had our chairs and found a great spot in our usual area close to the end of the route. We love this parade and I hated having to miss it when I was sick the year before last. So although the boys wouldn't feel really better until about half way through it, they were glad we went.

We look forward to taking the boys to the parade in Manhattan sometime, but for now ours is just as good and 1/3 as long. Plus we can get there 1/2 hour after it takes off and still get good spots too see it. In New York chairs are useless unless you arrive at least an hour before the thing starts (no matter where on the route you are), so not only will we have to stand, but it will be for about 3 hours instead of 1. However, even if we stay only 1 hour, we'd probably get to see twice as much because there are so many participants. And the bands are much bigger. Ah, that barely touches upon the pros and cons.

I have to say though, that for what you are actually seeing, it's mostly the same. We have our share of weirdness to watch. And from the families with the loud horns, the teenagers who join in to walk with a group they don't belong to, to the adults who stumble along with their paper bags, the spectators are exactly the same.

The only thing B and I really miss is cheering for the sanitation guys that follow the horses.

My anti-war 12-year-old

“Mom, how come if you kill someone here it's called murder, but if you kill someone in another country they call you a hero?”

Spring

I'm so happy that in the midst of all the stress I am feeling, that I can still slow down enough to live in the moment of a beautiful spring day.

I started out with an episode of The Waltons, which always mellows me. For lunch we went to Nardelli's in Naugatuck. We had actually seen the place featured on a program on The Travel Channel and have wanted to go ever since. Sometimes it really bothers me that my family loves food so much.

The lunch was good. The boys loved it and can't wait to go again. Perhaps we will stop in on the one in Waterbury which we sometimes actually pass.

R actually talked me into a basketball game of HORSE. I lost by only one letter. It was cool to see him getting nervous. And it was wonderful to have two other families and a bunch of kids running around our cul-de-sac flying kites and riding bikes. One little 6yo girl declared "this is the best day ever!"

I spent some time in my garden cleaning out leaves and pulling out dead stems which haven't provided "winter interest" in some time now. Digging around in the garden in March is good for the soul.

Spring is coming; pay attention. The crocus are blooming and the daffodils and tulips are a good three inches tall. Our Pussy Willow is blooming too. It's time to cut branches off the Forsythia and bring them inside to bloom. Here's a before and after from two years ago at our house. They only take a week to bloom, so be patient.

B is fitting in all the fun he can before he is bedridden for a while. He took the boys to the park in town and here I sit contemplating. I can't seem to muster up the desire to blog much anymore, which is a huge shame since I love looking back and reading them. The older posts really do help me focus on how much we are doing. These days I seem to focus on how much we are not.

R is anxious to learn how to spell. I bought a curriculum which several people have suggested, but have not managed to crack it open and plow through my part. He is also anxious to move forward with math so he's not "an idiot" when he enrolls in high school in two years. Got an online program for that, but have yet to look through it and get it going. Plus we've been really inconsistent with the boys' eye exercises. I haven't been too hard on myself about all this, but do feel like everything is "on hold" right now. Although there are a bazillion things scheduled from now till Easter, I feel like time that's not already scheduled should be simply enjoyed. For my own sanity.

Have to make dinner now...